:O

Tommy is scandalous!

Bowling scores – Round 2

8, 27, 41, 61, 80, 89, 97, 102, 116, 124

Being ‘personated

Tommy is being impersonated. You heard me right. Or read. I suppose read would have been the better first option. Screenreaders are less popular than straight forward browsing.

Anyway, Tommy is being impersonated. A fake Facebook account has been created, suggesting that the original account had been taken over and should be removed. However, investigations performed by his many allies has uncovered the truth. The True Tommy is the Original Tommy. The new account is a sham and should be forgotten.

Evidence suggests the perpetrator is a ‘James Prince’, a notorious cock. So, as an attempt to dish out some retribution, I propose the Jams-Prams-Rehab-Fams!

The Jams-Prams-Rehab-Fams

For only £2 you can help change a life. James Prince needs more than this small town can offer him. For only £2 you can help him achieve his dream.

• If 20 people donate, we will use your £40 to buy him a ticket to Pedophile Land
• If 200 people donate, we will use your £400 to buy him a ticket to Pedophile Land and a fresh new School Boy outfit to make him the Belle of the Ball.
• If 2000 people donate, we will use your £4000 to buy him a ticket to Pedophile Land, a fresh new School Boy outfit and all the Vaseline, Moisturising Cream and Rohypnol he could ever want.

Please people, if we can find 20 people, we may never need to worry about James Prince getting stuck in this small town ever again. We need not worry about him getting stuck anywhere ever again. He would never leave Pedophile Land.

New bit

Forgot to mention earlier, but I will also be putting up extracts from TJF’s screenplay as and when I manage to obtain them.

Movie Excerpt #1

Scene 1

Camera, ground level, pans across wide open vista of unperturbed geraniums.

HANS enters, decked out in army camo, carrying a paintball gun, running over the top of the camera, the shot showing only his feet. Cut to full body wide shot, revealing GLORIA.

Gloria, in long, light skirt and midrift-revealing-barely-more-than-a-bra top with light cloak, stands facing Hans.

Hans: Enough.

Hans turns to face Gloria.

Hans: Is this what it has come to, Gloria? Am I to spend the rest of my existence running? Why can you not forget me?

Gloria: Because of the things you do to me.

Relaunch

The Tommy blog will attempt to resume with semi-frequent updates. The diary will no longer occur regularly as the main aspect, instead there will be diary posts for important events but the rest of the blog will hopefully include various articles on aspects of his life and personality. Let’s see how much we can freak him out!

May 16

It’s possible that people think I’m a sex offender. People have been giving me high fives ever since I found this out. I don’t know what to think.

By the way people, please, please feel free to comment. I want to know if Tommy’s behaviour is normal. Is he being particularly provocative? Does he deserve my chorizo sausage sandwiches? I need your views!

Update – Turns out, it was some sort of generated link list searching for anything tagged ’sex’ and ‘tent’. But yeah.

May 15

Tommy thinks he’s sleeping with my mum. I think the person claiming to be my mum was lying so she could sleep with Tommy. I know I would.

I stole his jumper and hid it in my locker. If I do this with all his clothes, he will have to be naked…

May 14

Llamas were found in his bed.

May 8 – 13

Oh, the things I have seen. We both went camping and put up tents, and by camping, I mean to a hotel and by tents I mean each other… nevermind.

Tommy sent me a picture of his knees. They were quite nice but a bit too mainstream for my liking. I prefer ones in streams or ponds. He was paddling.

He seems to be having some problems with his genitals. I don’t know quite what exactly but as far as I can tell, there is some sort of oozing. He keeps disappearing to the toilet. He claims he is filling up his bottle but I think he’s more likely changing a bandage or something. If he is filling a bottle, it’s a sample for the doctors. One thing I know for certain is; Tommy did not catch anything from me.

Oh my god. This just in: Tommy has syphilis! It’s in his ears and everything! We’re getting him some new filters for his dehumidifier. That should do the trick.

Tommy had a dream about having sex with Chloe. It might have been the best thing he ever thought of. But then he thought of rhinos playing with plasticine. Not that that would have been better, just that it was a bit more awesome.

It’s been a long week and we’re both going to need a long sleep.